In a remote corner of the Milky Way there is a small star. Eight, sometimes nine depending on who's counting, otherwise non-descript planets revolve around the yellow ball of heat. In an infinite universe, with infinite numbers of planets, meteors and asteroids, this star and it's eight, sometimes nine planets should be little more than a footnote except for one curious thing:
The third planet is inhabited by an industrious species known as "Homio Sapiens" or humans. (Pronounced hyoo-muh n). In addition to war, football and entirely hideous artwork, these humans went and created something called the internet. The internet has enabled otherwise unconnected members of the species to band together in a virtual environment and discuss all the important matters such as; parenting, pottery and procreation.
What is even more remarkable about these humans (again pronounced hyoo-muh ns) is that they have created a separate classification within the internet known as the Blogosphere. This Blogosphere is populated entirely by something called bloggers. These bloggers, while mainly comprised of humans, are really a sub-species unto themselves. The Blogosphere is so vast and complex that to even begin to comprehend, it is necessary to further sub-divide these bloggers into separate and unique categories.
Chapter 7: Parent Bloggers
Within the Blogosphere, parent bloggers are perhaps the most numerous and diverse of any of the unique categories. The parent (pronounced peərənt) blogger can cross a wide range of ages and genders.
Note: humans come in two genders; a male and the typically dominant female.
While not 100% certain, topics for parent bloggers tend to focus on the growth and development of the next generation of the human species. The blogs themselves typically concentrate on the habits, rituals and events caused or involving the progeny of the parent blogger.
The parent blogger can be further divided in sub-categories. While difficult to be definitive, as there is movement and overlap between the various sub-categories, in order to interact and blend into any parent blogging community, recognition is essential. A brief description of the most common sub-categories of parent blogger and in most cases a "link" to an example of one of their premier bloggers is provided below:
The Not Quite Yet A Parent Blogger: This sub-category is predominantly focused on the gestation period required to develop a new human. The typical gestation period lasts slightly less than one complete revolution of the human planet around its star. Blog topics can vary, but often focus on visits to the medicine provider, fetal growth, lack of sleep, partner acceptance and birth preparation.
The Not Quite Yet A Parent Bloggers are notoriously hard to track down and tend to interact with other parent bloggers only rarely. It is anticipated that a link will be provided in the second addition.
The Baby Parent Blogger: Baby parent bloggers are easily recognized by a sharp focus on sleep deprivation and exhaustion. Some, but not all baby parent blogs contain large amounts of visual images, are usually intently focused on the developmental stages for these tiny humans (also known as newborns or infants) and descriptions of bodily functions.
Baby Parent Blogger Example: My kid doesn't poop rainbows and other parenting realizations
The Mom Blogger: The mom blogger sub-category is perhaps the broadest and least easily recognizable within the parent blogger category. Luckily almost all mom bloggers tend to self identify, making confirmation relatively simple. However, because most mom bloggers also focus on a wide range of blog topics, they can be found within other parent blogger sub-categories and even other categories. Mom bloggers are often sought out by the other parent bloggers for advice and guidance.
Mommy Blogger Example: Domesticated Momster
The Dad Blogger: The dad blogger, while less numerous than his counterpart, the mom blogger, also typically covers a wide range of topics and genres in posting. Dad bloggers typically are recognized by their male gender and tendency to associate with other dad bloggers.
Dad Blogger Example: The Dad Network
The Multiple Child Parent Blogger: Parent bloggers with more than one, typically more than two progeny can be further sub-divided into the distinct multiple child sub-category. These bloggers tend to focus on organization, activities and in most visual images are shown with deep bags under their eyes. Warning: These bloggers often suffer from exhaustion and have been known not to suffer fools.
Multiple Child Parent Blogger Example: Sunshine Dad
The Humorous Parent Blogger: Perhaps the least common and rarest of all parent bloggers. While most parent bloggers have been known to cross into this classification temporarily, few can be definitively identified. These bloggers are recognized only through repeated side-splitting blog posts and numerous "I laughed so hard, I peed a little" comments.
Humorous Parent Blogger Example: R is for Hoppit
Thus concludes Chapter 7 of The Blogger's Guide To The Blogosphere. Additional chapters will identify and demystify the Run Blogger, the Fashion Blogger, the Self-Help Blogger, the Blog Blogger, the Technology Blogger and the Professional Blogger.
As with all Universal Publishing Company products, outside contributors are welcome and updates will be made with each addition. Should readers know of unmentioned or undeveloped parent blogger sub-categories and link suggestions, please respond in the comments section.
Special thanks to the not quite alive Douglas Adams for creating the incredibly funny The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy and providing the initial inspiration for this post.
Check another great blog The Playground at the End of the Universe from a fellow blogger who's also been inspired by the great Douglas Adams.